Chasing Her

[fab_fan]

Title: Chasing Her
Author: Fabfan
Fandom: All My Children
Pairing: Frankie/Bianca
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: I do not own these characters. 
Summary: What would have happened if Frankie chased after Bianca when Bianca saw her with JR?

The car keys trembled in her shaky hands, the soft clinking of the tiny metal barely audible above the muffled tears and wet choking sobs. Unstable fingers fumbled with the keys, her mind so muddled with tears and pain that she couldn’t remember which one to use.

“Bianca!”

The hands jerked harshly at the cry, the keys tumbling to the ground with a clatter. Brown eyes, filled to the brim with sadness, gazed down at them, for a moment not understanding what was happening.

She couldn’t understand anything that was happening.

She needed Frankie. Needed her more than anything. She went to Opal’s, up the stairs and to the guestroom, so in love and wishing more than anything to be comforted by the one girl who ever truly understood her, who made her feel whole. Made her believe that everything would be alright because she was finally in love with someone who loved her back.

And like a naïve little girl, she walked into that room to find the woman she adored, dreamed of, loved, in bed with a boy.

“Wait!”

Bianca bit her quaking lip and dipped down, wildly grasping at the keys on the cold hard asphalt.  She had to leave. Get away from this terrible place. Get away from the burning heartache that threatened to devour her chest with fire.

Away from the woman who had shattered her soul in the blink of an eye.

“Bianca.” a hand touched the brunette’s arm.

SLAP!

Bianca’s hand stung from the force of the blow. Her eyes widened as a vicious red mark spread across Frankie’s cheek. Hazel orbs stared at her in surprise as the hand quickly dropped from her arm.

For a brief second, with those eyes she could peer into for hours looking at her and the skin she had caressed so many times screaming with a forming bruise, Bianca wanted to comfort her. Take her in her arms and soothe away whatever pain the older girl was feeling.

But, that second passed.

Eyes hardened, and Bianca glared at Frankie. Every ounce of pain, anger, and grief she had ever felt welled into a giant ball within her belly. It churned and melded until it painted her face with unforgiving rage and made her brown eyes glitter black.

“Get away from me.” Bianca ground out through clenched teeth, her voice so low and harsh it was unrecognizable to her own ears.

Frankie’s hands twisted into the pockets of the hoodie she’d haphazardly tossed on as she bolted out of the room after her girlfriend. The clothing was rumpled and crooked, and if Bianca wasn’t so lost in her own emotions, she’d be awed by how adorable the older girl looked.  “Bianca.”

“No!” Bianca shouted. “Don’t do that!” Hearing her name fall from those lips was like a shot to the heart.

Frankie inhaled sharply, her gaze begging to drop to her feet but her mind unwilling to let it, “Please.”

“Please?” Bianca chuckled humorlessly as she mocked the request. “Please what? Stay away from me.”

Frankie pursed her lips and took a hesitant step forward, “Don’t go.”

“Why?” Bianca took a step back, her arms folded across her chest protectively.

Frankie licked her lips and swallowed roughly, “I…I…”

Bianca shook her head, “What? Wasn’t that boy enough?” Her tone was thick with pain, “Did he give you what I couldn’t? What you need?”

Frankie shifted regretfully.

Bianca scoffed, the sound covering the deep sadness bubbling in her throat, “Go back to him. He must be what you want. In your bed, the bed we…” her voice broke.

Frankie’s hands balled into tight fists in her pockets.

Bianca cleared her throat, attempting to put as much strength in as she could in such a broken state, “Did you lie to him, too? Tell him you loved him? Acted like…like he must be something special to be able to get through to you? Did you laugh about me?” Her voice dripped with venom, though her eyes glimmered with vulnerability, “My mother was right.”

“No!”  Frankie blurted out. Her hands left her pockets, her entire body shuddering, “God Bianca, no.”

Bianca looked away from her.

Frankie moved toward her, trapping her against the car, “It wasn’t like that. Don’t ever think that.” Her voice was loud and clear for the first time since she ran out of that bedroom.  She lifted her hands to touch Bianca, her fingertips lightly grazing the jut of an elbow, “Please, don’t ever think that.”

“You were in bed with him.”

Frankie flinched at the accusation, but didn’t falter. “I’m sorry.”

Bianca inhaled sharply, tears streaming down her cheeks.

“I’m sorry.” Frankie repeated. “I messed up. I always mess up. I can’t ever have anything good. I told you that.”

“Oh, so I was supposed to know you’d cheat on me?” Bianca threw her hands in the air.

“I was supposed to know I’d hurt you!” Frankie replied. Bianca blinked at the admission as Frankie continued, “I was supposed to know. I never deserved anyone like you. I knew that. I knew I’d mess up. But, I didn’t care because I love you.”

Bianca was speechless, caught off guard by the normally private girl’s confession.

“I knew it.” Frankie’s voice began to lower, almost as if she was speaking to herself. “No matter what, I’d hurt you. She was going to make me, and I said no. But, I still did it anyway.”

“Why?” Bianca quietly asked, her voice threatening to break. “Why did you do this?”

“Because I can’t love you.” Frankie spoke the revelation as if it were nothing more than the time of day. Her hand went to her hair, tangling in the loose ponytail as her eyes darted to the side, “Everything was getting so hard. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. I was losing control, and I can’t do that. I can’t lose control.”

“Control?”

Frankie’s eyes swept up to Bianca’s, “You changed everything.”

Bianca’s brow furrowed.

Frankie shrugged helplessly, “I didn’t expect this.” 

Okay. I don't really know what to do with all of this, all right?

With all of what?

 I just didn't expect this.

Frankie, why are you freaking out?

I'm not freaking out, Bianca. I just didn't expect this.

Bianca gasped as the memory flashed in her mind.

Hazel orbs pleaded for understanding, “Your mom was right about me. I’m no good. Everyone knows that. It’s not supposed to be like this. I’m not supposed to be like this, and you weren’t supposed to be like this.”

Bianca squinted in the dark, for the first time, seeing the state Frankie was in as the usually calm and witty girl rambled on. She couldn’t stop the tiny chink that formed in her anger-fueled armor.

Frankie’s hands curved around Bianca’s sides, desperation trickling off her like rain off a windowpane, “I thought I could. I thought I could do this, but I can’t. I can’t lose you.” Her voice shook so hard her words stumbled and crashed together in a mixture of tears, “Walk away. Leave me. Tell your mother how much of a liar I really am. Tell the whole damn town. I don’t care. Just don’t hate me. Please, don’t hate me.” 

Bianca’s heart skipped at the final sentence, the words, spoken with such emotion, ripping through her. “Frankie.”

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. Don’t hate me. Hit me. Yell at me. Anything. Just don’t hate me.” Her voice dropped to a tattered whisper, “You’re the only one who’s ever loved me.”

Bianca sucked in a lungful of air, her body shuddering, “Is this about being gay? Being with a girl?”

A quick laugh burst out dripping with tears, “No.”

“Then, what….”

“I’m not supposed to have you. I can’t have you.” Frankie rocked on the balls of her feet. “You weren’t part of the deal.”

“Deal?”

“You weren’t supposed to be you.”

Bianca shook her head, not understanding what Frankie was saying. “What?” She lifted her hand to reach out to the girl, but faltered. What was she doing? Frankie cheated on her, and she was going to soothe her? Gritting her teeth, Bianca violently pushed Frankie away from her, “Stop it! It’s not going to work anymore. I’m done listening to your lies.” Frankie was a con artist. She was a liar. She was just playing her again.

Frankie sniffled and swallowed against the tears, “You…you don’t…”

“No, I don’t Frankie.” The anger was back, hot and quick. “I don’t care. Stay away from me.”

Frankie’s hands lifted and fell as she fought for words, her eyes desperately searching for something, anything.

Bianca smashed her lips together to keep inside the emotions warring to be released – the emotions telling her this was the woman she loved. “I never want to see you ever again.”

Then, she whirled around, swiftly unlocking the door and diving inside, slamming the door shut behind her. She had to get away from Frankie. Away from those soulful eyes and tears of pain. She jammed the keys in the ignition, keeping her head bent and eyes averted. The sound of hands hitting the window registered in her mind, but she didn’t look up. She couldn’t.

Frankie didn’t love her.

Croaking out another sob, she started the car and put it into reverse, squealing backwards. Speeding away from Frankie. Her hands wildly spun the wheel and she smacked the gearshift, changing into drive and bolting down the pavement. Tears fogged her vision, and her chest quaked with sobs.

Oh, god. Why? Why was this happening? Why Frankie? Damn Frankie. Damn her! She lied to her. Made her believe that there was actually someone out there that could love her. That they could be happy. That her life could be complete.

Everyone was right. Everyone told her Frankie was bad. To stay away from her. That Frankie would only hurt her. And Bianca, being the fool she was, told them they were wrong. She stood up for Frankie. Chose Frankie again and again. Against her mother, against Opal, against Leo and Mateo. Against the whole town.

She’d made love to Frankie.

A weeping gasp tore out of Bianca’s throat, a terrible strangled sob that made her heart clench and her soul tremble. She’d given everything to Frankie. Loved her more than anyone. And, Frankie told her she loved her back. She touched her and held her. Kissed her lips and body with the same mouth that told her things. Things that made Bianca believe they could last forever. Be together against all odds.

The same mouth that lied to her again and again. That broke her heart.

Why couldn’t Frankie love her? Why?

The sky opened up above, and as if the heavens themselves could feel her pain, rain began to fall upon the ground. Droplets harshly fell, mimicking the tears rolling down pale cheeks.

Wiping roughly at her eyes, a flash in her side mirror caught Bianca’s attention. Tilting her head, she peered into the glass.

She saw the flicker of tattered sneakers and a threadbare sweatshirt.

Frankie was sprinting down the road behind her car.

Bianca’s foot stomped the brake, causing the car to lurch to an abrupt halt.

Her brown eyes didn’t waver from the mirror.

Frankie was running after her.

The short girl was moving as fast as her legs could carry her. She careened through the dark, heedless of traffic or danger.

Bianca’s eyes narrowed in wonder and confusion.

Was Frankie really chasing her?

Frankie ran and ran. She forced her feet to keep moving. She couldn’t stop. Not now. Not when her one chance was leaving. She couldn’t lose Bianca. She couldn’t let Bianca leave thinking what they had was fake.

She couldn’t live with herself if the last time she saw the girl she loved was with tears in those brown orbs.

The rain splattered down on her, soaking her clothes. The sweatshirt clung to her slick body, and her hair matted to her head and face. She raced through puddles, heedless of the splashes of water that kicked up into her eyes. The rain mixed with tears, burning her eyes. She blinked and kept moving.

She wasn’t stopping.

Frankie stumbled up to the car, not slowing down until her body connected with the cold metal. She grabbed onto the side of the vehicle, panting for air as her legs gave out. She wobbled, her knees buckling, but held on, holding herself up.

Hazel eyes peered into the driver window.

They held so much emotion and feeling, Bianca felt it shoot straight to her heart.

Frankie pushed herself to the door, and her palms flattened on the window. She fought for air. Her chest heaved and rain marked the tear trails on her face. Eyes, lost yet overflowing with love and guilt, stared at Bianca.

Brown met hazel. Anger, guilt, confusion, fear battled against each other as they collided at the thin sheet of glass.

In both, though, there was love.

Frankie’s forehead dropped to the window. Her eyes slid closed, and there, in the middle of the road, she broke down.

Bianca watched as Frankie wept. Sparks of memories played in her mind. Frankie crying after being told she was loved. Apologizing for being so weak. Telling Bianca that she’d never heard those words before.

A jaw, red and bruised, shifted as Frankie began to speak. Choked broken words, so unlike the usual assured charm that slipped from that gorgeous mouth, painted the rain smeared window.

“I love you. I’m sorry.”

Bianca felt her broken heart shatter once again.

Frankie pressed her head harder against the glass, her hands sliding on the slick surface, “I love you. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

Bianca didn’t know her hand was on the handle until the door was opening.

Frankie staggered back a step as the door creaked open. Her eyes lifted to Bianca’s face, begging her to believe that what she said was true. If anything, believe that she loved her. Fear shone bright behind the love. Fear at what Bianca would say. What she would do.

Fear that she had ruined the only good thing to ever happen in her entire life. The one person who ever mattered.

Bianca slowly stood up, the cold rain greeting her. Teeth bit her bottom lip as her clothes tightened to her arms and back. She slowly reached out, time seeming to stop as the tip of her finger touched the shaking edge of Frankie’s chin.

Frankie held her breath, knowing what she wanted, but not believing she could get it let alone be allowed to ask for it.

But, she was praying for it.

The finger traced the gentle curve, her hand curling up to cup the side of Frankie’s face. Frankie leaned into the touch, eyes blinking at the softness of it.

“Frankie,” Bianca breathed out sadly.

Frankie waited with bated breath.

“Why can’t I hate you?”

“Because I love you.” Came out so quietly it mixed with the rain.

Tears began to fall faster down Bianca’s cheeks.

Cautiously stepping forward, Frankie pressed against Bianca lightly, “I screwed up, and I can’t do anything right. But…for the first time in my life…I’m in love.” Her eyes peered into Bianca’s, “I’m in love.”

Bianca gasped.

Frankie licked her lips, searching for what her heart wanted to say, “It’s you. Everything…it’s all you. I’m in love with you.” Her voice shook, “I’ve never been worth anything. I’m nothing. But, with you, for the first time…I might be something. For the first time…I want to be better. I don’t want to be like this anymore.”

Frankie took a deep shuddering breath, “Help me...because I don’t know what to do.”

Standing there, in the middle of the night during a rainstorm, Bianca caught a glimpse of the vulnerable broken girl who lived inside of the arrogant wily con artist - the girl who only she had ever seen.

When their arms wrapped around each other, and they held the other close, the shattered fragments of a once strong heart slowly began to piece back together.